I love bad witches, and Metallia is one bad witch! The Witch and the Hundred Knight immediately drops you into a bizarre and beautiful world where one plays as the legendary demon, the Hundred Knight, only to be enslaved by the great Swamp Witch Metallia.

Metallia is a mean master, ruthless in her conquest to spread her domain and gain power. And as the lowly Hundred Knight, you must obey her every command. The journey to spread your cruel taskmaster's desires is done through an action RPG style, much like the Legend of Zelda, Alundra and the Secret of Mana. As you rampage through gorgeous forests, chocolate castles and a variety of different climates, you'll collect important things, like weapons that affect attack moves, items to defend against damage from ailments like poison, sleep, and magic, and stuff to eat.

Speaking of eating, the Hundred Knight runs on Giga Calories, and every action, hit and movement expends these Gcals. Run out of Gcals, and you get penalized. Consuming enemies and certain snacks will increase the Gcals, allowing the Hundred Knight to do more. As you progress, you will be able to change your Facet, which is like your main Job or Class, and that will alter your special abilities and stats. Progress further and you will unlock Tochka skills, like planting path-clearing bombs, setting traps, summoning minions to fight by your side and much more.

To spread Metallia's power, you'll need to hunt down and destroy magical pillars that act as respawn points until you find the Pillar Guardian of the map (da boss). Guardians vary and the boss battles are very Zelda-like. And while you're fighitng, Metallia will curse and talk trash while ordering you to humiliate and murder (humurderlate) those who stand in her way. Defeating the first witch in the game reveals Metallia’s vindictiveness outright, where I learned that being turned into a mouse could be a far more upsetting fate then just being stabbed through the mouth.

The dark humor throughout this game is thick, and Metallia is a bit like Laharl in Disgaea, but with the evilness cranked up. The Witch and the Hundred Knight puts action-RPG mechanics in a wonderful setting, with great character designs, beautiful music and really kick-ass lead character. Even the name-your-character sequence is hilarious and cruel...

Hint: Use the spawn points warp out of a map and to level up then jump back in stronger and with full Giga Calories.

by Reginald Rhoades